Praying for your child.

I love being a mom. Even at times of complete exhaustion and frustration, I love being a mom. There is no way I could have been prepared for the intense love I would have for my child. Its unconditional, indescribable and sometimes it takes my breath away. I pray over my child every night. Each night my prayer is different, but there is one thing that remains the same. Each night I pray that Trenton grows up to be a man of good, strong character; a man who serves the Lord and serves others. I don't know why I feel compelled to pray that. My only guess is that the Lord has amazing plans for Trenton. As his mom, I will do my imperfect best to raise Trenton to be a man of strong character, who loves the Lord and serves others. I pray he has a good heart sensitive to the needs and feelings of other people. I also pray for his wife, that she too is a person with good character who loves the Lord. These are the prayers of the deepest places in my heart- these prayers move me so much that sometimes I find myself crying. I so want for my child to have a good life.

This love that I speak of brings me to another situation that has weighed heavily on my heart this week and that is the case of little Caylee Anthony. How heartbroken I was to hear of the not-guilty verdict. I do know in this country, you are innocent until proven guilty but I just DO NOT understand how someone who had such a strong indifference to her child was not guilty. Something happening to Trenton is my worst nightmare, I can't even allow my mind to go as far as to think about that. As such, I do not understand Casey's behavior and Mom to Mom, I judge her for that. With all the circumstantial evidence, one thing is clear to me: Her actions during those 31 days were not that of a mother in grief. I wouldn't even be able to get out of bed much less go party. I know that God is the ultimate judge. I pray that if Casey did kill her daughter, that she is haunted by that fact everyday and repents to her Maker. Sadly, I'm afraid she won't do this. I'm still at a loss of words regarding this situation. But it does make me hug my guy a little tighter at night lately....

Trenton,

"Before you were conceived, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were here an hour, I'd give my life for you. This is the miracle of life (and the love of a mother)"

I promise to pray for you every day, I promise to always be here to give you giant hugs and kisses. I promise to play with you and break away from my busy schedule to make you a priority. You are the light of my life.

I love you,
Mommy

Trenton's Baby Dedication.

On Sunday, May 8 (My first Mother's Day!). Trenton will be dedicated to the Lord at our church. I just can't tell you how excited I am about this. What a special way to spend Mother's Day. Trenton is such a precious gift, and it seems only right we aknowledge God's sovereignty over his life. I think of Deuteronomy 6:4-7, which tells us to love God (as parents), which is necessary if we truly wish our children to love God. My life must be an example for Trenton- an example of a mom who loves Jesus. Not just on Sundays and Holidays, but everyday. I found this little tidbit on a website: Sunday schools can provide weekly instruction, but parents must seize the teachable moments that arise throughout life. Explain the value of prayer, Urge them to read aloud bible stories for devotions.... What encouraging words! If you are around on May 8 at 1045am and would like to come to Trenton's Dedication, we would love for you to be there! The service is at Riveroak Church in Chesapeake (website here).

Trenton's Birthday- Part 2

So, my mom and I get to labor and delivery. I'm just praying at this point Jeremy and my dad know where to go. The lady checking me in was extremely nice and helpful and luckily, my doctor was the doctor on call. What good fate that was! First, they said they wanted to do some tests to make sure it was my water that broke and not urine or mucus. I mean really? I lost about a gallon of fluid... I know what it was, but I assume it was all part of the routine.

They wheeled me down to antipartum, which is where you go before you have a baby. I was hooked up to all sorts of monitors so they could keep an eye on Trenton's vital signs. I was so nervous about my little pumpkin in there- I just wanted him to be healthy. The oh so fabulous Dr. Grimes came in to check on me, reassuring me that Trenton would be ok although small. He would have to stay in the hospital for a while, but for the most part he would be ok. His exact words was..."he's going to be a squirt" I was ok with that. I was ok with "small," I just wanted his organs to be developed enough that he would not have to be on oxygen. Dr. Grimes laid out the plan for the next 24 hours. I wasn't dilated yet, so they were going to give me steroid shots to help Trenton's lungs. I received the first one that night at 11pm and then the second one the following night at 11pm. They told me that after the second shot, I would be wheeled to labor and delivery and would start the pitocin drip. yuck.

So the next 24 hours were a whirlwind. I remotely connected to work on Friday so I could wrap things up and keep my mind occupied. I was surprisingly calm, although my sweet husband was not. He didn't show it, but later he told me that was the most scared he has ever been in his life. My sister came into town which was amazing- nothing like your big sis to help you out. Jeremy's mom and grandma arrived that night. I was so appreciative of all the support.

Fast forward to the end of the day. I was wheeled to labor and delivery around 1230 am and they started the pitocin at 1am. I hadn't dilated at all so I figured this whole labor and delivery process was going to be a doosey. I was given ambien to sleep but was so uncomfortable from laying on my left side for hours that it was hard to rest, and then the contractions started. I was so exhausted at this point however, that around 230-3am, I nodded off. But it wasn't a restful sleep. The beeping of the machines, the nerves of having a premature baby, the contractions, the IV's and the monitors did not make for ideal sleeping conditions. Around 445am, I wake to my nurse entering the room in full operating scrub gear. My first thought was..."this can't be good." She told me that Trenton's heart-rate was dropping from the contractions and as such, Dr. Grimes asked her to turn off the pitocin and that he was on his way in. I asked if I was going to have a c-section, and she said yes without REALLY saying yes, because this was the doctor's area of expertise. I wasn't scared about the idea of having a cesarean because from the beginning of my pregnancy I just had a weird feeling this would be the way I delivered. Both my sisters had c-sections and did fine. So I was ok with this- especially if it was best for Trenton. So I asked the nurse if I could get up and go to the bathroom, so she unhooked me from my monitors and I walked to the bathroom with my IV stand. At this time, Jeremy wakes up and sees the nurse with me in full scrub gear and sits straight up and says, "what did I miss." I told him what the nurse told me and he asked why I didn't wake him. Now, this whole conversation happened in about 45 seconds so really I didn't know that much.

Within minutes, Dr. Grimes came in to give us the details. In a nutshell, Trenton was in distress and not responding well to the contractions and pitocin, so he felt it best to go in and get our guy. Naturally, we agreed. The anesthesiologist came in to take my medical history so he could give me the spinal block (which was awesome). And within moments we welcomed our little guy into the world. Trenton Cade Waters was born at 5:43 AM, weighing 5lb and 16.5 inches long. He has brought a joy into my life that I didn't know existed. Everything I do is more joyful because he's in my life. I work harder at small tasks and try and not be bothered by the small things. I am so blessed to be married to Jeremy and be mom to Trenton.

Trenton's Birthday- Part I

I know most of you are DYING to hear the tale of Trenton's birthday. It was quite the saga...let me tell you! Thursday, September 2 started off like any other Thursday. We woke up and went to work... we got home, went for a short walk and then went back home to eat dinner. I was particularly excited about this Thursday because it was the kickoff to the College football season. South Carolina was playing and most SEC teams do not typically open up their season on a Thursday. So I was excited. The upcoming labor day weekend was full of cookouts and football games- we were looking forward to it. Little did I know however, Sir Trenton had his own agenda. Around 8:45 that Thursday night, I went upstairs to get my pj's on and commence my nightly netti pot routine. For any of you ladies who have been pregnant, you know how crucial the netti pot is to pregnancy sinusitis. Around 9pm, I had just finished my netti pot and was blowing my nose and felt something warm in my undies. My first thought was... "great, I'm now losing bladder control to go along with everything else weird that my body has started to do. Just one more thing Jeremy can harass me for..." So, I went to the bathroom trying to play it off (because my husband was in our room) and immediately knew this was not urine but my amniotic fluid. A wave of panic ran over me because at this moment, I was only 33 weeks 5 days pregnant. Too soon for Trenton to make his grand appearance. Soooooo, the tears came. I was hysterical. I told Jeremy my water broke and his response was..."are you serious." I think he knew by the look on my face that I was serious. So I started hysterically sobbing saying, "He's not ready" but Jeremy assured me that he was ready. I however, meant that I knew my son was extremely premature and would no doubt face challenges in many areas. The first call was to my parents because they live down the street and at that moment I needed to talk to my mom. There is nothing like hearing your mom tell you everything will be ok. My mom then had my sister call me and at that moment the water works really began- both my tears and amniotic fluid were unstoppable at this point.

We had yet to pack our hospital bag because we really didn't think we would need it yet. So, my sister Meghann gets on the phone to tell Jeremy what to pack. I'm watching him repeat what she is saying, but I think he was so nervous that what she was saying wasn't really being comprehended. For example, he said.."ok, pack her some yoga pants" and then he grabbed some of his basketball shorts. I was too freaked out to care at this moment so when we got to the hospital I noticed that he had packed pretty much for him, leaving me his t-shirts and basketball shorts to wear. As such, I rocked out the super awesome hospital again. Again, I was so freaked out I didn't care.

When we arrived at the hospital, the whole bottom half of my body was soaked with amniotic fluid. Some women say that when their water breaks its just a slight leak, others say they feel incontinent... me on the other hand, felt like I was gushing water. Gross I know, but what can I say? Trenton was ready to meet us. Jeremy dropped me off at the door we thought we were supposed to enter through. At this moment, we realized that everything we learned in the hospital tour was insignificant. Jeremy dropped me off and drove away to park... I get up to the door to realize it was locked. Of course, I'm crying hysterically and the guy mopping on the other side of the door tells me to go to the emergency room. Jack ass. I mean really? He couldn't just open the door?

Luckily my parents knew that they had to enter through the emergency room and met us at the door. Jeremy dropped me off with my mom and we walked inside. At this point, I'm sure I looked completely awesome. The lower-half of my body was obviously soaked and I was wearing Jeremy's gray USMC t-shirt. Hotness. There was a long line at the check in table, but I'm pretty sure the nurse standing close by knew what was going on with me so I was quickly wheeled up to labor and delivery....