Wednesday, February 25, 2009

The Giant Brain Squeezer

dear friends,
i'm hoping this won't offend (i understand we all have
different taste)
.... we're friends, right?
you like me for my honesty, no?
i have witnessed an alarming new trend:
the giant brain squeezer
turns out,
otherwise stylish mommies
squeeze their children's growing noggins
into these horribly uncomfortable looking
flower bouquets.
what happened to the days when babies were allowed to be bald?!
if that ludicrous bow/flower on your child's
headband is biggerthan her face.......
you've gone too far.
if the size of the bow on her head exceeds the bows on
the packages neath your tree....
you need help
trust me.
nothing is more precious than a beautiful
un-bedazzled/headbanded baby.
as a child whose baby pictures spanned the 80's,
i'm no stranger to bizarre baby trends....
Mom never stooped so low as to plant a
on my tiny head.
my brain was for growing ideas...
not plastic flowers.
*the only way i can possibly justify this tacky trend
is if your child is so
horrifyingly hard- to- look-
at that you desperately need a distraction from its angelic face.
let's stop the madness.
your baby will thank me.


Chris said...


Berlin Deluxxe said...

I make my son wear a satellite dish on his head.