Dating escapades continue

So my friend, (with the bad date that I blogged about earlier), read my baseball post and proceeded to tell me about her sorta date with an umpire. Our conversation went a little something like this...

Friend: so last season I went to a Nationals game and ended up getting good seats because one of my friends works for the Post blah blah blah

Me: oh that's cool, how was it

Friend: Well, during the game I noticed a scrumptious umpire. I mean, who knew that umpires were cute.

Me: Seriously I also thought they were fat old men with big belly's. Not that that's a bad thing, but its just generally not someone most women our age are attracted too. Props on finding a hot umpire!

Friend: well, we were seated off the 3rd base line about 25 rows up. he was umping (?) @ 3rd.
fate. he spotted me. we continued to "flirt" for 7 innings. how do you flirt with an umpire? you ask? well, i pretended i had umpish moves. i did fly-away-dove hand gestures, scratched my nose in a baseballish fashion and laughed when he missed a play cause he was looking my way...
after that, he gave me the "call me" baseball sign and sent the on-field cop up to my seat to get my #. wild.

Me: Wow, that's uh. Special

Friend: later that eve, we had a brilliant time hanging out and i experienced my first NCMO. oy. i was neurotic about it. probably asked him if he was married or taken about 100 times.
no, he assured me. and yes, he was cool with my boundaries. refreshing. i wasn't just a "piece."'

Me: Non Committal Make out. Wow- how 16 of you.

Friend: Don't judge. So when I got home, i looked him up online only to find out that "tim" was married (and CONTINUES TO BE) 3 yrs prior our meeting......um.....YOU'RE OUT!!!!

Me: I think you really need to start doing background checks on these guys so you can get a better idea of their income level, marital status, mother psychosis, education, crazy ex girlfriends etc. I'll check around and see if I can get someone to do that for you. Yes?