Friday, February 13, 2009

Dreams and Daffodils

I've always had problems with statements that involve "dreams coming true." First of all, if my dreams came true I'd be forever half-naked and anxious because it's the end of the semester and I only went to class twice, and I'm late to class in high-school because I can't remember my locker combination. Also my teeth would be falling out. But really, the cold hard fact is that dreams don't come true. Not in the way we have dreamt them to come true. I wanted to be married and pregnant by the time I was 20 (Thank God that didn't come true!). I wanted to be a fantastic business woman with a corner office. I wanted to live a fabulous Sex in the City lifestyle in New York City. I NEVER EVEN GOT CLOSE. So don't talk to me about dreams coming true, and don't sing that song "I Believe I Can Fly" because so did Dumbo and he was nothing but a circus act.

When you realize that there is indeed a higher power in the plans of your existence is there a need for dreams? Once you've handed your will over to God isn't he in charge? Certainly I can talk dreams all I want while I am praying, but there is always a little bit of disappointment after I say Amen. That's not what you had in store for me is it? I question looking upwards. Ahhh but sometimes he meets you half way...Four years ago at this time I was in love with Jeremy and I wanted to marry him more than anything I had ever wanted. While I was out running I'd think about our life together. I'd get so excited that a lump would develop in my throat. That's the way it felt. In my head there was this dream of us being in the Military, stationed somewhere awesome. In my dream, we were stationed in Europe and I would be able to walk to the market in the center of town and buy fresh, white asparagus. We had a garden with fresh flowers that had grown like our love and there wasn't a room in our house without a vase of the gorgeously fat flowers. There, in the backyard, we'd have a small table where we could have dinner amongst the daffodils. So beautiful, so perfect.
In real life it happened more like this...Eventually we did get married and pursued the military life but it didn't turn out the way we hoped. Instead of Europe, we live in a townhouse. I don't have a market in town, I guess its all about Food Lion. I don't have flowers in my back yard. But this morning I cut a daffodil from a garden at work. It's only the beginning of the season and it's not as yellow as it could have been but I put it in a vase in my office regardless. It reminded me of four years ago and how giving up my will eventually leads to little blessings. God's plan is better than our plan. God's dreams for our life are beyond our imagination. So, in a round about way I guess, dreams do come true.


Linda said...

I have many dreams that never came true. But, I look at the blessings in my life and am AMAZED at them. I have Matt-- a man who has a heart for God and for me. I have you and Meghann, both miracles to me. I have Chris and Jeremy-- wonderful sons in law! And I have Morgan and Addie-- incredible grandgirls. What God gave me is so much better than any dreams I had.
Love, Mama